five times Loki got warned of his imminent death
by wir-sind-die-LOKI
Summary: And the one time he wasn't "So, Barton, is this warning of my imminent death a regular thing on Midgard or is it a custom made up just for me?" Loki and Tony start dating after the events of New York, and the Avengers all have something to say about it. A Humour based one-shot, obviously Frostiron. Features NotEvil!Loki and Protective!Avengers. No real warnings but it is Frostiron!


**Five times Loki got warned of his imminent death, and the one time he wasn't.**

**OR, the avengers give Loki the "talk" when he starts to date Tony.**

**Okay, so I've never done a five times challenge, so I thought that I may as well give it a go! This is instead of finishing my other story because I'm just that great at managing my distractions. Eheheh... So, anyway somehow Loki is on Midgard again, and he's dating Tony, and the other avengers all have something to say about it. Nothing strong, but it is Frostiron so… Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Shockingly I am not the owner of marvel…**

**Steve Rogers.**

The movie had finished a while ago now, and slowly the number of people in the living room had dwindled down till it was just Tony, Loki and Steve in the living room. The movie had been dull, not worth watching. But Tony had spent the whole of the movie with his arm draped over Loki's shoulders, occasionally fiddling with the dark locks of Loki's hair, or even twirling random patterns on his back, sending sparks through both of them wherever they were in contact.

But now he had to pee, and so getting up, he left the god and the super soldier alone, leaving Loki with a breathy kiss upon departure.

Steve looked quite shocked.

Steve had never really agreed with the homophobic attitude of his time, but still seeing two men interact that way made his stomach twist slightly, even if it was against his will. His opinions had obviously shown on his face, because Loki was looking at him with an amused smirk on his face and a snarky remark ready to throw at the super soldier.

"Are you feeling okay, Captain?" Loki practically drawled stretching under the beige blanket in a way which Thor always said made him look just like a cat.

"Oh, yes, I'm feeling great; it's just that I didn't know that you and Tony were… fondue-ing." Steve said, finding it hard to find the right words and going pink all in one go.

"Fondue-ing?" Loki echoed, looking quite confused so a second before glancing back at Steve's face and putting two and two together, mentally book marking the word so that he could ask Tony about it later. "You mean in a relationship."

Steve's only reply was an almost robotic jerking of his head.

"Why yes, I guess we are in a fondue-ing kind of relationship. Is that okay with you Rogers?" Loki was enjoying this new form of torture. He'd have to show more outward affection with Tony around the others then, if this was to be their reactions.

"Well, it's not really my decision as to who Tony does or does not date, but I would like to stress that as I was once a friend of his fathers, that I see it as my job to make sure that nothing untoward happens. And that includes you treating him fairly."

Loki sat up then, intrigued by how the conversation had gone from casual mind games to what seemed like the Captain threatening him. "Do you have feelings for Tony, Captain?" Loki asked confused.

This elicited a stammered response and an even deeper blush to appear on the Captains face and neck, making a very startling resemblance between him and a tomato. "W-what? No, No me and Tony are just friends."

"Oh good then, because it wouldn't do you any good to go fondue-ing with my Tony" Loki said standing up only a fraction of a second after Steve did, instantly regretting how his iron man pyjamas made him look about as threatening as a bunny rabbit.

"I won't! I was going to warn you not to go fondue-ing with anyone but Tony!" Steve said trying to look as intimidating as he could while still looking like a tomato.

"Well I better not catch you near Tony." Loki said standing in front of Steve.

"Well I better not catch you near anyone but Tony."

For the next thirty seconds they glared at each other, Loki wondering why he was hardly towering over the puny mortal while Steve wondered if he was still blushing or not. This meant that they completely missed Tony's entrance, until the smaller man's arms snaked around Loki's waist and he said. "You better not be trying to steal my Loki from me now Steve."

Tony couldn't help but chuckle at their equally disgusted and horrified expressions.

**Clint Barton.**

Loki was walking down to Tony's workshop, cup of steaming coffee in one hand and cheeseburger in the other, when something large and dark fell in front of him. Startled he moved back a few steps, frowning when a few splatters of the coffee fell on the white tiled floor. Looking up, ready to moan at whomever or whatever had startled him, he came face to face with a very pointy arrow. Raising his eyebrow, he opened his mouth to take a jab at the archer, before he was rudely cut off.

"Loki, could you just shut up for once, I'm trying to be a good friend here." Clint growled, smirking when Loki finally closed his mouth.

"Firstly, I still hate you, so if you even think about being a dick to Tony in any way, I won't have to think twice about using you for target practice. And secondly, don't think this is an empty promise, 'cus I could totally take you if I wanted to."

"Well, we may get to try out your theory Clinton, but if I was you, I'd get in line for the whole 'I'll kill you if you hurt Tony' pact, because apparently you're not the only one to be of this opinion."

"Wait? I'm not the first?"

"No, but don't worry, I doubt you'll be the last." Loki said, pushing the now limply held bow and arrow out of his way so that he could enter the strict security passcode that only he, Jarvis, Bruce and Tony knew. As the door was opening, Loki turned around to Clint, curiosity obvious on his pale face as the question burned his throat.

"So, Barton, is this warning of my imminent death a regular thing on Midgard or is it a custom made up just for me?" Loki said tentatively.

"Get Jarvis to look it up for you." was the only response Loki got, before he entered the workshop, with a slightly cold cheeseburger and not as much coffee as he had planned on bringing.

**Jarvis (Or Just a Rather Very Intelligent System)**

Loki lay in bed, waiting for the sound of the shower to go on the noise making sure that Tony wouldn't hear the conversation. Staring up at the ceiling impatiently Loki let out a breath of relief when the sounds of ACDC and the shower pump began pulsing from behind the bathroom door. Glancing at the corners of the wall, Loki still couldn't see any way that Jarvis would be able to tell he was asking a question, but taking a chance, he called out quietly.

"Jarvis?"

"Good morning Mr… Loki" the AI answered in his slightly robotic British accent, distance obvious at the lack of a last name to address Loki with.

"Good morning to you too, Jarvis. Yesterday I had quite a different discussion with Barton, and I was wondering if the interaction was a normal occurrence or not for this world. It's just that Captain had also told me something similar a few days before hand as well." Loki said coolly, only slightly put off by the voice coming out of nowhere.

"And could you clarify the conversation that you had with Mr Barton."

"Yes, of course Jarvis." Loki began, recalling how the archer and the super soldier had both promised his demise if he ever thought about being unfaithful towards Tony.

"Oh, so did he say something along the lines of "If you do ever hurt Sir then you will find that the doors and windows to the room that you are in will suddenly become quite stuck. And that it may be a few days before anyone notices that you are no longer there. But once they do notice you are missing, you will have endured hours upon hours of nyan cat until your mind really is a bag full of cats. Because that seems quite accurate to me."

Loki shrank back into the bed slightly. Pulling the covers up to his chin as the AI explicitly explained to Loki what seemed to be a new form of torture that the god formally hadn't been aquatinted to.

When Tony came out the bathroom five minutes later Loki was still snuggled in the covers, only his emerald green eyes peeking out, eliciting a chuckle from Tony.

"You look cosy Lokester, but remember we have lunch at that Shawarma joint later." Tony said, leaning down to kiss Loki's forehead before ruffling his long hair, leaving Loki with the smell of oil and coffee and something which was so distinctly Tony that a tingly warmth spread through the god whenever he thought of Tony.

Around 10 minutes later Jarvis interrupted the silence again, saying. "If you don't get ready soon, you're going to be late."

Loki got ready very quickly that day.

**Bruce Banner.**

"Hmmm, these ones are quite nice, but I still think that the strawberry one is the best." Loki said, brow creased, as he chewed on a piece of toasted vanilla milkshake pop tart that Tony had endearingly got Jarvis to make.

"Well, we'll see what your opinion is tomorrow when you try your brothers favourite pop tart; hot fudge sundae." Tony said chuckling as he sneakily grabbed two off of Loki's plate to throw on the tray he was going to take down to his workshop.

"When will I get to try this famous coffee?" Loki said, eyeing the steaming mug on Tony's tray that the genius never seemed to be without.

"Well, judging by the way Thor reacted to it… Never" Tony smirked at the pouting god sat on the kitchen counter. "Now, are you sure that you're not gunna get into too much trouble today Lokester? I don't have to work today if you're gunna get up to any of your normal mischief."

"Stop fretting over me so much, I'll be fine for one day. Besides, you've been talking about this for weeks; it'd be cruel to keep you from working on it." Loki said waving a dismissive hand in the air before, glaring at Tony as he ruffled Loki's hair.

"Okay then, Loki, come and get me if we work past 5." Tony said leaning in for a quick kiss before turning around to go, only then remembering that Bruce was also getting breakfast. "Um, Bruce, you coming?"

"Yeah, you go down and get set up and I'll be down in a sec." Bruce said motioning towards the boiling kettle. Bruce could never fully concentrate before a good cup of tea in the morning.

"Sure thing." Tony said, a goofy smile on his face as he blew a kiss in the direction of Loki, who rolled his eyes and pretended to catch it, a slight smile on his face, even after Tony was long gone.

Loki was raised from his thoughts by Bruce coughing awkwardly by the still boiling kettle.

"Look Loki, I've never given someone the speech before, and I'm not sure if they have it in Asgard or not, but don't ever think about hurting Tony. The Other Guy wouldn't to be very happy. He's grown quite attached to Tony over the past few months, and I don't think that he'd think twice about making you another spot in the floor if you hurt his favourite person." Bruce said, inwardly feeling the Other Guy grunt in satisfaction when Loki's eyes widened ever so slightly.

"I wouldn't worry about that very much." Loki said glancing the way Tony had gone, before leaning in slightly towards the doctor. "In fact, I think I am beginning to care about Tony very much.

"Good, because I think he does too." Bruce said, walking down to the workshop, turning almost too fast to see the hopeful smile spread itself across Loki's face.

**Thor Odinson. **Thor was not in the habit of going to meetings between important people; that had always been Loki's forte up on Asgard., however today Tony had dragged Thor out because of some clean energy project that he was needed for. Needless to say the god spent almost the entire meeting in a confused and bored silence, only perking up when he heard his name. After what seemed like hours they could finally leave the meeting. Tony threw his tie on the back seat of the car and starting the engine before Thor could even get his seat belt on.

With a screeching sound loud enough to make Thor wince and the smell of burning rubber they swiftly left the premises of the energy company Tony had been consulting with. Tony had a frown on his face and was muttering curses under his breath foul enough to earn him a place on the great dining halls of Asgard, but still he carried on at a breakneck speed towards the nearest burger king. Once they were far enough away that the energy building was out of sight, Tony smashed the ACDC on, yelling over to Thor. "Today, we celebrate like kings."

"Did the meeting go well then Friend Tony?" Thor asked confused by the way Tony was acting.

"Nope. They wouldn't even consider using your hammer magic to make clean energy." Tony said matter-of-factly, pulling into the drive-through part of Burger King and ordering them both meals without looking at the menu.

"Then why are we celebrating?" Thor said, slightly confused by the way Tony was acting, before two cheeseburgers dropped in his lap and they were speeding off again.

"Because" Tony said, pausing to shove a few fries in his mouth before continuing "If that meeting had gone on for any longer then I would have seriously considered making up a crisis for us to go attend to. I am actually considering getting Jarvis to hack their systems to clear my name from their databases. But now that shit's outta the way, I've got a date to attend to."

"Oh, a date, with my brother, I assume."

"Yep, I haven't seen him since this morning; he was all snuggled up in the blankets- again."

"I remember when we were children and he would come join me in slumber after his night terrors. Every morning I would wake up to find myself on the floor, while he lay sprawled out on my bed, leaving me with naught but a pillow on the cold floor." Thor said chuckling at remembering such distant memories.

"You'll have to tell me more about kid Loki; he sounds like a bundle of fluffy hugs."

"He was, for one year." Thor said, only elaborating when Tony prompted him to.

"We were a few centuries old and it was time to choose what we wanted to major in. And while everyone was choosing things like war and food, he chose to be the god of fluffy hugs. Mother was delighted, but then father found out and told Loki to grow up or something and he became the god of mischief and lies."

"It took your father a year to find out that Loki was going to be the god of fluffy hugs?" Tony asked, dying to bring up the subject with Loki.

"Well it would have probably been longer, but Loki turned up at a heated argument between father and some other realm leader and said that instead of the other realm- Vanaheim, I think it was- waging war on Asgard that they should just hug it off and live in peace."

"Oh fuck it, he's gunna kill me anyway, his new name's gotta be Lokitty; cat of fluffy hugs and rainbows." Tony said, before ordering Jarvis to buy some fake cat ears and a tail for Loki.

Pulling up to the Avengers tower, as it was now commonly called; Thor chuckled. He watched fondly as his dark haired brother stepped out of the elevator through the glass doors. Undoing this seatbelt Thor leaned in slightly towards Tony. "Not that I feel the need for you to be warned, but if you dare hurt by little brother, you will face the wrath of Asgard."

Tony sat hesitated slightly pondering Thor's words and trying to keep his questions down, but in the end one managed to slip out. "Have you ever had to follow up on that warning?"

"Yes, once or twice- but I don't believe that they will be a problem to anyone ever again." Thor said smirking at long forgotten memories. Walking through the doors the brothers passed each other. Genuine smiles graced both faces as they grasped elbows in their Asgardian version of a handshake. Then they were each moving again, and suddenly Loki was opening the car door, a smile lighting his pale face.

"Well, where are we going this time?" Loki murmured, before leaning in for a quick kiss as Tony moved the car out into the road again.

"Well I chose Shawarma a few days ago, so it's your turn Lokester." Tony said.

"Hmmm, well what about fondue." Loki said chuckling slightly when he thought about telling the Captain about them having fondue for lunch.

"Yeah use Lokester, whatever floats your boat." Tony said slightly confused at the odd request. "Jarvis can you find the nearest restaurant that does fondue?"

They each found they each had a lot to talk about that lunch.

**Natasha Romanoff. **

The team assembled, once again. But this time it wasn't in the streets of some city. Or in some abandoned mine in the middle of nowhere, but in the training room high up in the top floor of the Avengers Tower in the middle of New York.

When Tony had first suggested the idea of a top floor training room, the engineers had scoffed at the idea, but looking through the full fronted glass walls, Tony's heart skipped a beat. The evening sun cast shadows through the whole room, making it look much larger than it actually was- not that the room was small by any stretch of the imagination.

His heart also skipped a beat when Natasha threw him out the window.

All Tony could think as he began hurtling towards the ground was _Fuck_. He hadn't intended to be thrown out of any windows after the tower had been renovated and Loki de- villainized, yet here he was, most likely facing imminent death, and he still hadn't had the chance to tell Loki how much he loved him. _I never told Loki I loved him_\- was his second thought.

_Well, I guess I'll be seeing you soon then pops_. His third thought flashed by before everything became incoherent numbers, whizzing through his mind almost as fast as the wind whisked past him as he continued to fall. Against the screaming wind Tony forced his eyes open. Determined to see his last moments, but just as he opened his eyes, the air around him went deathly still.

"Am I dead?" Tony managed to croak out, laughing weakly. Looking directly down, he could see the notorious melee so associated with New York gaping up as him. A fraction of a second later, shards of glass dropped like bullets towards the concrete floor just ten feet from his face. Death wasn't so bad after all, Tony thought, before a pair of arms snaked their way around his waist.

Twisting around in shock he came face to face with Loki. Without any hesitation he crushed his lips to his boyfriend's in a bruising kiss. Never before had Tony ever been so happy to see anyone. It was only when Tony felt them lurch sickeningly in the air that he pulled back.

Loki's normally pale cheeks were flushed a pale pink from the cold. His hair was whipping around him maniacally and his emerald eyes were bright with terror. "Don't ever, almost die again." Loki's voice was shaky, voice breaking at the end as he fiercely clutched the small mortal to him.

"I love you." Tony blurted it out without thinking. He watched as Loki's eyes flashed wide in surprise before his gaze became guarded.

When their feet finally touched the pavement, Tony's knees buckled, but Loki was ready to catch him. Lifting the genius off his feet Loki bent down to murmur in his ear. Ignoring the mortals and being ignored by the mortals surrounding them were two completely different things.

"That's just the adrenaline talking" As sad as Loki was to say it, it had to be said.

As the elevator opened Tony struggled to be set down. As the doors closed Loki set him down, hovering when Tony had to lean against the side of the elevator for a moment. The genius pushed himself off the wall and towards Loki. Tony entwined his hands through Loki's jet black hair "I. Love. You." Tony whispered it, punctuating every word with a kiss. Loki had to believe him, he had to.

"You love me?" Loki's tone was unbelieving, but he still touched foreheads with Tony.

"I love you." Tony confirmed, a giddy laugh escaping his mouth. It was the wrong thing to do. Immediately Loki stiffened and stepped backwards, casting his gaze to the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but Tony.

Realising his mistake Tony's heart jerked painfully. "Oh Lokester, I wasn't laughing at you I really do love you!"

Loki still refused to look at Tony, emerald eyes blinking fast to disguise how quickly his eyes were filling with tears. Seeing as they were near the top floor he began to summon some magic- he was only here for Tony without him there really was no real reason to stay.

Seeing Loki's hands flash green, Tony grabbed onto Loki's hands- he rejected the idea of life without Loki.

"You can't leave Loki!" Tony said desperately.

"Why not?" Loki's tone was cool, calculated, almost like when they first met.

"Because I love you, Lokester!" Tony sighed frustratedly, running a hand through his hair. Why couldn't Loki just trust him on this?

"You do?"

The elevator doors began to open, and Loki went to slip out, before Tony stood in front of Loki, clasping onto his hands tighter even than when he had been falling.

"I do" Tony said quietly.

The genius hesitated slightly before continuing. "In fact Lokester, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I can't imagine my life without you." Tony said quietly, before nervously pulling one hand out of Loki's. Reaching into his back pocket he knelt to the floor, bringing a small velvety box into sight.

"Loki, will you marry me?" Tony said, opening the box to reveal a gold and green stoned earring. The gold shone as if it were on fire in the twilight light, while the stone's deep forest tones

Loki gently crouched in front of Tony, letting his fiancée attach the earring to his right ear,

"I know they don't seem like much, but they're like mini-walkie-talkies, I have a matching one." Tony broke off, showing his identical red and gold earring attached to his ear.

"I, uh, also had something planned along those lines." Loki said, kissing Tony lightly as green light flashed at his fingertips. Slowly the light faded to reveal what seemed to be Loki's bracers.

"As is traditional on Asgard, one must acquire numerous species of livestock to present to their lover. If accepted, they will be married in a fortnight in the light of the full moon. However I have thought his a stupid and frankly pointless endeavour long before you was even born."

Pausing Loki attached the bracers around Tony's forearms. The intricate designs flashed green as energy seemed to pulse through him. He felt it from his fingers and toes right through to his arc reactor.

"I've been working on these for a few months now, and I've been able to channel my magic into them. You'll be able to heal faster, be stronger and inevitably live longer if not indefinitely." Loki said softly, before pushing a button on the braces so that they retracted to thin gold bracelets.

Looking back up at Loki, Tony finally realised how dark it was getting. "We should probably get back-" Tony started before he Loki's lips interrupted him with a desperate kiss.

When Loki finally leaned back, there was an almost dangerous glint in his emerald eyes. "Yes lets"

Once they had walked in and everyone had calmed down, Loki turned his sights onto a particular redhead.

"Would you care for a quick spar, Lady Romanoff?" His tone was cool, on the icy side of indifferent.

"I thought that you weren't sparring today." Natasha was not scared of Loki- she wasn't- she just didn't want to fight him when he seemed to be so calm.

"Well the window ordeal seemed to get my blood pumping, so it seems a bit of a waste to not." Loki smiled thinly.

"Uh, right ok then." Natasha said, shrugging off her jacket before moving to stand on the padded mats in the middle of the room.

Cracking his knuckles Loki swapped his black jeans and baggy dark green shirt for a simpler, all black leather version of his normal uniform in a flash of green light. The leather was more comfortable, more familiar than the Midgardian garb he had been formerly wearing.

Once stood in front of the redheaded mortal, he nodded his head, half bowing in an attempt to mock the mortal who had just thrown his fiancée out of a window not thirty minutes ago.

"I'll let you start then Romanoff-" Loki cut off as he ducked to avoid a high kick- she sure didn't waste any time.

From his place crouched on the floor Loki sent out a low sweeping kick, which the assassin jumped.

Landing behind him she went for a chokehold, only to see him standing three meters away.

Loki smiled widely before launching himself at her. Only a fraction of a second later he launched herself into the air. Just as she was about to clear his head she felt a hand grasp her ankle and fling her to the mat. Twisting in the air she managed to wrench her ankle free and hit him in the side of the head. They fell to the floor simultaneously.

The other avengers sat against the wall, completely fascinated. The two fought with a cat-like grace, striking out with deadly precision every time. It was almost as if they had been practicing the twisted dance for their whole lives. Tony gasped involuntarily as Natasha pounced onto Loki's back going to put him in a chokehold before he fell backwards.

She would've landed underneath his weight, if she didn't move round to his front; too bad he had already thought about that. She hit the ground flat on her back in the middle of the training mats, the force winding her. Pinning her arms down, Loki whispered "Don't ever hurt Tony ever again, or there will be consequences."

In a blur of motion their positions reversed. "You stole me line"

"You just threw my fiancée out of a window, and you're giving me the talk?" Loki raised one eyebrow in disbelief as he threw her off.

"Your what?" She said surprise evident in her wide green eyes.

Ignoring her, Loki dusted himself off before yawning. Walking over to where everyone sat, he picked Tony up bridal style. They kissed passionately, only breaking away long enough for Loki to say "Well, why don't we go and get married then my love?"

They were gone in a flash of green light before anyone could even draw breath.

**So, I hope you guys liked that because it was certainly fun to write! If anyone has any five times challenges they would recommend I do, please tell me! They are so much fun and I wouldn't mind doing some more.**


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